How does one end up back at rehab? Well I have been feeling the same way I did the first time I went to the hospital. Hopeless, empty, lonely, unloved. I had still been cutting myself. It was getting worse. I was being more self destructive than usual. Last night everything came to a head. I was already feeling that way. Then I took some thc chocolate and drank moonshine on top of that. That escalated everything.  I cut deeper than I usually do. I was scared that I was going to bleed out in my sleep. I called my sister. My sister came over and helped me pack my stuff. She was forcing me to go back to rehab and I agreed to go. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to get help so I can move on with my life. She took me to our Mothers house so she could keep an eye on me until the next morning when rehab opened. There was a chance that rehab wouldn't take me back since the last time I was here I tried to kill myself on the property which was a violation of the

TW: Self Harm/Suicide Hey guys it's Elektra, This morning I checked myself back into a rehabilitation facility. It is called The Living Room in Blount County TN. I've still been cutting every night that I've been out of the hospital. Sometimes I cut so deep that I am afraid I'll black out and bleed out. I want to stop harming myself. I don't want to die. I want to get better and stop feeling so empty and lonely. I've got a lot of work to do. I am sorry for the disappointment. I feel like I am failing every single one of you by being here. Almost as if I've given up. I'm not going to give up until I get better and I'm able to continue helping others and making my friends happy. Thank you all for your support and prayers during this time. I should only be here until next Saturday or Sunday. I love you all. I will try to blog my stay this time so people can see what it is like in a facility like this. Please don't give up on me and help

  This Blogpost will discuss Self Harm and Suicide If you are sensitive to hearing about those topics please stop reading. If you or someone you love are contemplating suicide please contact:  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ First, I want to say that no one is responsible for my suicide attempt. I am solely responsible, I have PTSD and have been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder . If something ever happens to me in the future, please know that it is the illness and no one could have prevented what happened to me. Second, I am only writing about this to control the narrative. There have been many speculations, rumours, etc. Everything had been building up. Ever since the beginning of Covid, it is like the water kept rising and I was drowning. A few weeks ago I got very upset by a chain of events. Twitter had been very depressing. I had so many mutuals expressing how they wanted to commit suicide. One even going so far as to write out a suicide note. That af

Therapy Thursday is now Let's talk Thursday. Same concept with a focus on Mental Health Awareness. I planned for today's topic to be Depression. This morning as I was scrolling Twitter I found out that a popular streamer had committed suicide. The more I read about what he went through, the more I started to connect to him. I live with mental illness. Depression and suicidal ideologies are a part of what I deal with daily. Something I struggle with is that I want so badly to be loved. At the same time, I am so broken and have so much baggage that it is hard for anyone to love me or become close to me and I don't want someone to have to deal with it. I've had friends leave because of it.  I can't be sunshine and rainbows all the time and no one wants to be around that negativity. It runs people off. So what happens is people fake a smile and fake happiness to make everyone around them more comfortable. Positivity attracts positive. I've been trying to be more pos

Disclaimer: You may not want to read this post if you are easily triggered by topics of depression, anxiety, suicide, or self-harm. If you are having thoughts of suicide please visit  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ We are in a very uncertain time. I am currently self quarantining and have not left my house or seen anyone outside of my son in a month. We have ventured out to the store for necessities, but that is all. He had a birthday earlier this month and I had a birthday a couple of days ago. This is usually a fun month. It has honestly been Hell.  When the first news of Coronavirus came about, I was positive. I told everyone that this was probably just blown up by the media. It isn't as bad as everyone thinks. It is going to go away as soon as it came. It wouldn't be long before every ounce of positivity was sucked out of me.  It started when I went to the store the first time after the Coronavirus was on the news and they were telling people to stay home. I j