It is 7:22 am. I went to sleep around 11 last night. I had a very long night the night before so I was exhausted to the point of not being able to keep my eyes open.  Very thankful that my friend streamed last night. Just reminded me of why people watch us on Twitch. It gets us away from our reality for a little bit. For a few hours I forgot all about my problems and where I was. I was comforted and happy. Of course like with streaming as soon as you turn off a friend's stream that connection is broken and you're completely alone. I was making bracelets with my friends names last night. I was being silly but when I was finished, I realized I put them on my left arm and that is the arm I use to hurt myself. Seeing my friend's names who I love so much on that arm made me tear up. I'm hoping I can use these bracelets to help stop the urges. When I see their names on that arm it will help me to stop and think. We had SMART goals group at 9 am. SMART= Specific Measurable Att

TW: Self Harm/Suicide Hey guys it's Elektra, This morning I checked myself back into a rehabilitation facility. It is called The Living Room in Blount County TN. I've still been cutting every night that I've been out of the hospital. Sometimes I cut so deep that I am afraid I'll black out and bleed out. I want to stop harming myself. I don't want to die. I want to get better and stop feeling so empty and lonely. I've got a lot of work to do. I am sorry for the disappointment. I feel like I am failing every single one of you by being here. Almost as if I've given up. I'm not going to give up until I get better and I'm able to continue helping others and making my friends happy. Thank you all for your support and prayers during this time. I should only be here until next Saturday or Sunday. I love you all. I will try to blog my stay this time so people can see what it is like in a facility like this. Please don't give up on me and help

  This Blogpost will discuss Self Harm and Suicide If you are sensitive to hearing about those topics please stop reading. If you or someone you love are contemplating suicide please contact:  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ First, I want to say that no one is responsible for my suicide attempt. I am solely responsible, I have PTSD and have been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder . If something ever happens to me in the future, please know that it is the illness and no one could have prevented what happened to me. Second, I am only writing about this to control the narrative. There have been many speculations, rumours, etc. Everything had been building up. Ever since the beginning of Covid, it is like the water kept rising and I was drowning. A few weeks ago I got very upset by a chain of events. Twitter had been very depressing. I had so many mutuals expressing how they wanted to commit suicide. One even going so far as to write out a suicide note. That af

I have been trying to be more positive. It has been hard but I've been trying to make a valiant effort. I think I'm broken. Imagine taking a crystal vase and dropping it on concrete. Now take all those pieces and try to fit them back together to make a whole Vase again. You may get it together but more than likely you will have pieces missing and it won't be as strong as before. I am like that vase. I know many others are like that vase too. If you put too much pressure on it it will collapse in on itself.  I don't want to shatter the instant someone does something to upset me or doesn't give me the attention I'm needing. I got a new monitor the other day. One I've been waiting for for a while. It's an MSI 240hz monitor. It is supposed to be an excellent gaming monitor to help give me an edge in my competitions. I was so excited to hook it up and see how much better I was going to be. I set up my Twitch stream and got ready for a night of gam