Something happened recently that I am still trying to wrap my brain around. I had a friend who was going through something. They are the type of person that does not like to talk about their feelings no matter how hard you try to press. I felt that I did everything in my power to help this person. I tried to make them laugh. I tried to let them know that I was there for them. When they told me they broke a piece of furniture and couldn't play games anymore because of that I sent them money to buy a new desk. When I did that I expected them to at least let me know that they appreciated it and that it made them feel better. Instead, it was radio silent.  I did what I am best at. I pushed and pushed until I got some kind of response. I am not proud of how I acted. I should have just left them alone. In my mind though every bad thought was racing. Why don't they want to talk to me? They must not see me as a good enough friend to discuss their problems with. I spirale

I may have lost a friend today. One I hold very dear to my heart. I have a very bad habit of being self-deprecating. I could make the excuse that it's the trauma I've been through, but I've had time to fix it. I stopped going to therapy because it got too hard. I am not kind to myself at all. I am very insecure. Today I installed a new GPU and PSU. I was so excited to upgrade my computer. A few weeks ago I had issues upgrading my CPU. It was a disaster but my friends were able to help me work it out. The upgrade today was supposed to be just a plug and play. I upgraded to a 2070 Super. It is a lot bigger than my old 1060. I had a little trouble getting it in and then my PC would not post. My first thought was that my motherboard had been damaged. I previously thought I damaged it when I installed my new CPU a few weeks ago and here I was being too rough on it trying to get my GPU to fit. My heart dropped and instantly I started berating myself. Stupid, what hav