Why did I choose bariatric surgery?
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.
The long story of my weight gain
I was not an overweight child. I was always healthy. I grew up in the 80's in Appalachia. If the sun was shining we were not allowed to be indoors. The meadows, forrest, and trees were our playground. We had the whole country side to explore. I remember having this big weeping willow that was conveniently placed at the top of the hill. We would swing for hours on the vine like branches, until our Mother would yell at us to stop. We stayed in the trees. Seeing who could climb the highest pine. We made forts in the woods. Living in the mountains was honestly some of the happiest memories of my life.
We moved to the city when I was 11. It was definitely a change. We were living on a hill of family members and had tons of cousins to play with. We would play all of the hill. Riding bikes and playing hide and seek. I had some tough times and good times there.
When I was in my teens I became very rebellious. I was doing drugs and going clubbing frequently. One night when I was around 20 years old. I was at a friends house and did too much and my heart went out of rhythym. I really thought I was going to die that night. My heart kept having these episodes and I kept having major panic attacks. I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse and Panic Disorder. I was put on beta blockers, benzodiazepines, and anti anxiety meds and that is when I started gaining weight.
 |
| Me in 2001 at the Alamo after my Brother's graduation from boot camp. |
I went from 115 lbs soaking wet to 200 lbs in a couple of years. On the bright side I was no longer doing drugs. I found medications that suppressed the palpitations and helped the panic attacks, but they also caused major weight gain.
 |
| At the pool hiding my body in 2018 |
I had my son in 2005. I think I was around 225 then. I went through a divorce and became the single parent of a child with autism when my son's father abandoned him. In 2011 I went through an abusive relationship. I used food as a coping mechanism. 2017 was a hard year. I lost my childhood best friend to suicide, the Pastor of my church, and a friend from church all passed away unexpectedly within a three week span. At that time I was a devout Christian. I went to church every time the doors was open. I was a helper and involved in a lot of activities and even taught sunday school. At the end of that year I stopped going to church. It was a really hard year, but the hardest years were yet to come.
 |
| Taking a pic with Linus Sebastian at LTX in 2019 |
I started to have some happiness in 2019. I started working from home for Amazon. I was excited about life again and going to LTX was an absolute dream. It would have been better If I had not been 330 lbs. I had to have a seat extender on the plane. I could barely walk. I blew out my knee running in the airport to catch a flight. I did not walk around at the convention because I was in pain. I sat in the room where the stage is in the 2nd row the whole time. My feet were so swollen from walking in Vancouver that I would be in tears. I was so sedentary that just walking was excruciating. It was a great trip with my son and my sister and we made a lot of memories. I vowed to start losing weight after that trip. I was pre diabetic, had idiopathic intracranial hypertension which causes severe migraines, had to have several spinal taps to drain fluid because the pressure in my head was so high. I had low quality of life.
Of course in 2020 we had the pandemic. I had decided at the beginning of the year to start getting serious about losing weight. I guess Covid helped a little. We had been eating out every single day and never cooking at home. When covid happened I was afraid to eat out so we started cooking at home and ordered Hello Fresh. I have a love/hate relationship with Hello Fresh, but it did help me lose weight. It's all about portion size. I lost 40 lbs by July.
In November of that year my depression hit really hard again. I had been streaming on Twitch full time and started getting a lot of trolls who would comment on my physical appearance. It really got in my head. I had had enough and decided that my son would be better off if I wasn't here anymore. I tried to delete myself. Fortunately I did not succeed and was sent to a crisis stabilisation unit for help. You can read those posts in the archive from 2020. I tried again in 2021 and went to a hospital for 10 days. It was not something I ever want to experience again. After that hospital stay something inside me changed. I had started DBT therapy. It really saved me. I was introduced to mindfulness. Mindfulness has been a blessing. I started focusing on the present and stopped living in the past so much. I started gratitude journaling which changed my negative thinking to positive. I started losing more weight. I cared about living again.
I have Narcolepsy which makes everything a lot harder. I am tired all of the time. My weight also comes into play. My weight loss slowed. I went from 330 lbs to 260 lbs on my own. Then I started gaining weight back. Enough is enough. I feel like I have not really lived yet. I have been in this prison of manic depression and being sick all of the time. I never go out of my house. I want to travel more and meet new people. I haven't had a date since 2011. Last October I made an appointment to start the process. I looked at all the options and choose a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. They gave me a list of things I needed to do to get cleared and I finally completed that list in February. I could have done it sooner but I chickened out a bit. Surgery scares me.
If you made it this far, thanks for listening. This was very therapeutic for me and I apologize if I rambled a bit.
My next post will be about my surgery experience.
Affiliate Links: I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.
I made an idea list on Amazon of things my Dr recommended for my surgery, I have added some things I found useful as well. Bariatric Sleeve Idea List
My Amazon Storefront for other idea lists: https://www.amazon.com/shop/elektra57
I have found this very helpful. If it does not apply to you, but you know someone that could use it please let them know:
Customers with a valid SNAP EBT card can use their SNAP funds on Amazon. No Prime membership required. Customers can shop SNAP-eligible groceries from Amazon, Amazon Fresh, and Whole Foods Market. Plus, customers with a registered card get free access to Amazon Fresh and 50% off a Prime membership. Amazon accepts SNAP EBT in all states except Alaska.
Register a SNAP EBT card
Comments
Post a Comment