Rehab Diary Day 3: November 10, 2020 TW: Self Harm, Depression, Anxiety

-
I woke up at 6:45 am to the sound of glass breaking. It was a very rude awakening for someone with PTSD. The staff broke a glass divider in the office. I was hopeful for the new medicine, but I woke up several times during the night and now I'm very sleepy during the day.

8:30 am went back to see the Dr. the Dr. is worried about how severe my PTSD is. Since my event happened during my sleep I have somniphobia. I do not feel safe during sleep. I wake up several times during the night. I have night terrors. He put me on a medicine called Prozosin. It's a medication they give to war vets with PTSD to stop the night terrors. He is thinking if he can get me sleeping then I will feel better. He also wants me to have a sleep study. He will give it one more night to see how I am feeling before he adds any more medication. I told him about having a really bad night last night and that I was feeling antsy and wanted to leave to hurt myself. He explained it's an addiction. This is only my 3rd day of sobriety so it is going to be hard. When you cut yourself it releases endorphins. You get high from it. That is why it is addictive. I need to find better ways to release endorphins like exercise, hot peppers, etc. 

1 PM Group

We talked about diagnosis. The therapist talked about how many of us had the same diagnosis and how we should make friends while we are here. It's just hard for me to make friends. I'm only a people person behind the keyboard. 

2pm Group on Communication Styles
Passive, passive aggressive, assertive, and aggressive. 

Watched Netflix with the rehab patients while working on my DBT homework.

When I finished this I received a text that my Aunt Connie's best friend passed away. His name was David and I called him Uncle David. We were close. He had been sick a while but my aunt didn't want to tell me because of my attempts.  

My Aunt usually takes care of my son but my Mom has him right now. It's causing me some added panic but I'm working through it. I know he will be fine where he is as long as he has his computer. 

I feel an urgency now to get out of here because I am needed. I feel so selfish by being here. 

Going to end this blog early. I'm trying not to spiral. Everything will be okay. I'm just tired and need a distraction.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why did I choose bariatric surgery?

-
Image
  Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase. The long story of my weight gain I was not an overweight child. I was always healthy. I grew up in the 80's in Appalachia. If the sun was shining we were not allowed to be indoors. The meadows, forrest, and trees were our playground. We had the whole country side to explore. I remember having this big weeping willow that was conveniently placed at the top of the hill. We would swing for hours on the vine like branches, until our Mother would yell at us to stop. We stayed in the trees. Seeing who could climb the highest pine. We made forts in the woods. Living in the mountains was honestly some of the happiest memories of my life. We moved to the city when I was 11. It was definitely a change. We were living on a hill of family members and had tons of cousins to play with. We would play all of the
Read more

YouTube is killing Eugenia Cooney

-
Image
This picture of Eugenia Cooney is from 2012 according to a Facebook page. YouTube is killing Eugenia Cooney. They are aware of her videos and continue to give her a platform. Enough is enough. They need to be held responsible for enabling her. Her videos have been reported by so many concerned viewers and nothing is ever done. When will it end? When she's dead?  Eugenia Cooney looking healthy and smiling in Shane Dawson's documentary, "The return of Eugenia Cooney".   I first learned about Eugenia Cooney on July 19, 2019 by watching a Shane Dawson documentary titled, "The return of Eugenia Cooney". You can watch that video here: https://youtu.be/IoYWO03b71M I was immediately drawn to Eugenia. She seemed like an innocent child locked into a young woman's body. Her story was interesting to me as someone who had an eating disorder off and on throughout school. I saw a sadness in her eyes and I thought, she must be protected at all co
Read more

Supplements I take for Narcolepsy and Mental Health

-
Image
  Disclosure: The product links below are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase. I bought and paid for the products below. Living with Narcolepsy is difficult. Most of us are scouring the internet looking for anything that will help us feel more awake or to decrease the side effects of our medications.  The supplement industry is not FDA regulated. There are not enough studies on supplements. I will always be open and honest with my readers and never promote anything that I would not personally use. This post will be about the supplements that I use every day, why I use them, and at the bottom of this post is the research I found. Always do your own research and have a discussion with your Physician and Pharmacist before starting a new supplement regimen. Supplements can interact with your current medications, thin your blood, or have other adverse reactions. Please be wary of sup
Read more